Everyone know what it is and what it can do, but when it comes down to the real nitty gritty of it all, no-one really wants to talk about it properly.
I had my first dealing with Cancer a year and a bit ago. It attached itself to one of my most loved and cherished people and has slowly been taking him away from my family and I. And it sucks.
It tricks you and deceives you. One minute it makes you fear the very worst and then the next you think it’s all finally getting better, or as good as it can do, just before it makes you scared again.
Anyone who’s been in this situation knows what it feels like. Before Cancer struck my grandad, I never knew that it was possible for me to feel such rage and anger and most of all, hurt. As in, every bone in my body hurt. My heart suddenly was the heaviest thing I’ve ever had to carry. It makes you feel like your falling, and all you can do is watch as life continues by for everyone else. I begun to look at people of a similar age, (63) and think to myself, ‘Why can’t it be you?’ Now I’m not a cruel person, but the pain I was feeling made me think things like this.
The hardest part was to see my family all feeling the same thing. My nan being strong but inside the pain must be unbearable. My grandad, a strong, still young man, sobbing at the non negotiable end that he is bound to meet sooner than he should have to. It makes you feel sick. It messes with your head, and it makes you begin to hate everything.
A year ago, when we all found it about the cancer, and how it was incurable, time almost begun to seem as if it was slowing down yet speeding up, all at the same time. Taking it in seemed like it took a life time, yet each day went so quickly, never knowing what was due to lay ahead. 6 months is all that was given. 6 months is a long time to some, to others, it is time cruelly snatched away. Christmas 2012 wouldn’t be met and that was that. Yet, still, here we are almost at Christmas 2013, a year gained with my grandad. A year that I would never take for granted.
And we’re having to re-live the nightmare all over again. The hospital trips where his bed bound because of extra illnesses that his body just simply cannot cope with. It’s like teetering on a knifes edge.
Oh hey Merry Christmas.